Forward – Illu Frito

Moving Forward: W, Coffee, Dexter

[If you've ever been depressed, perhaps you've felt guilty about it. Perhaps it had seemed like a spectacular, even luxurious waste of time, or unwarranted, living in a safe European country or the US. Perhaps when it was over, you worried about when it would come again. Maybe you alienated some of your friends and family who could not understand why you couldn't be your normal self during this period.

A friend and I have been talking about depression lately and the urge to die. Sadly, it was talking about suicide that was one of the major catalysts for my other very good friend and I breaking contact with each other. This isn't a downer post, you'll see if you read on. But this picture is about moving forward, no matter what is behind and no matter what's ahead. If my new friend reads this, she'll know she's in my thoughts.]

And now, dear moofs. Please clear your minds.

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I have gas.

Wait… where are you all going?

It’s not my fault! It’s this soup I had for dinner… delicious ramen…. but it gave me infernal gas. All right. Gas discussed. Moving on.

I’m on tumblr now. Yep, mainly to stalk the girl who runs the androgyny blog . (Yes, I’m giving her her space and keeping a respectful distance, despite my urge to stalk harder, don’t worry.) Anyway, I’m sure you’re all DYING to know what my name is, be honest, you want to waste more time with me, but I won’t give you my address, ’cause that’s where I harvest and post all my sick prOn ^-^b. No worries though. We can still meet here on the Couch for coffee and good times and even pretty boys.

Speaking of pretty boys. Tumblr man. It’s kind of a weird parallel universe. It’s like this pit… of screams. Happy screams and sad screams and perverted screams and very young screams. Tumblr makes me feel old. I guess it’s because its kids who have the time to go on porn and pic trawls (well, kids and people who work from home… yay, that’s me.) So many times, I look at a picture and I’m like… fuck, I should NOT be attracted to this guy! He was born in the 90s!!!!

What’s fucked up is that some people born in the 90s are legal now

Moof, get it together! You’re going to make your guests think J’s not cutting it in bed. No, no, TMI, this next line is, but I always told J that if there was a sex Olympics, Japan would be getting a 10 from Hungary >:D… I guess I’m just… greedy?

Anyway, back to tumblr. It’s sad yes. Often, it makes me sad. I go on these kids’ blogs if they follow me and they’ve got carved up arms and ribs sticking out like xylophones. The mother cat side of me just wants to tuck them all under my wing and be like… it’s going to be okay. You’re not fat. You’re not ugly. It’s going to be okay.

Those are most of my followers. And then…. some of the guys I draw …  0_0. I’m like. Jesus on a bun. XXXX has responded to say he likes the picture I drew of him. I guess I have to be extra careful now, my anonymity as a drawer of androgynous men and beautiful boys is in danger…

One person who doesn’t respond is Nagel. : ( He follows silently, but says nothing. Oh well, it’s probably better that way. Hint: Another person born in the 90s.)

FF – Failed Feminist

NL. I screwed up. But I like the pic anyway. Maybe my NL fan/stalker will like it too.... <3

Anyway, the topic of today is how I failed at feminism.

Or did I never even try?

I don’t know. A long time ago, I’m not going to call him a ‘friend’. An acquaintance accused me of being anti-feminist. (Is that a misogynist?) But what was his evidence?

That I liked tight pants and booby shirts and that if/when a guy made some kind of comment about my acoutrement, instead of getting offended, huffing away, calling him an asshole etc. etc., I might laugh, even smile and wave…

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury.

You know by now that I’m a slave to beauty. Beauty and friendship and laughing and coffee. (Oh cheese. Cheese has me enslaved toooo.) J calls me an id-driven fool. Maybe he’s right. And one of this fool’s favorite things is to see nice people on the street in nice clothing. (nice = revealing). Or otherwise interesting. It brightens the day, am I right? There is no harm in that. A branch of cherry blossoms brightens my day and a girl in tight pants brightens my day. And sometimes, I also like to wear tight pants and so forth and so on to give back, so to speak. Give back to the community! And then, isn’t it so silly when someone in revealing clothing  gets offended when a stranger on the street has the good taste to notice it?

-Fucking ASSHOLE, did you see him staring at my taTAS?

I know, I know. It’s wrong to say a woman wearing revealing clothing is ‘asking for it.’ But does ‘it’ have to be ‘raped’, ‘harassed’… can’t ‘it’ be ‘attention’?

Those girls: We don’t wear skanky clothing to attract attention, we wear it because it ‘makes us feel good’.

Well, what makes me feel good is to think that maybe someone is feeling a little better when they look at me. (Like how I feel better when I look at others….) So, in the spirit of that, I see no harm in a little friendly dressing up… and a little friendly leering…. but of course, there are limits. What do we do when the limits have been reached?

Yesterday:

I went out with my friend. We went dancing. I didn’t bring my glasses, because they’re starting to get sort of broken and looking down-ish often causes them to fall. Not good for when you want to DANCE LIKE MAD. We got drunk (me only mildly). We shook it to house. (You thought the American white guy shuffle was bad, you ain’t seen nothing until you’ve come to Germany. Three words: Fritz Can’t Dance.] Then around two, I figured I should go. What if the baby Nazgul woke soon and needed me? His dad was there to take care of him, of course, but…

I ran outside to catch the tram. I didn’t have my glasses and realized I couldn’t read the tram signs at all. AT ALL. Fuck, which one of these goes home? The snow was pouring down. There I was, in my ripped tight jeans and my big black coat, looking a little lost.

-Excuse me. -A group of youngish guys was coming my way. -Excuse me, -I ask in German. -Can you tell me which tram goes to Petuelring?

-Was?

-Petuelring… I can’t see…

One of the younger guys comes right up to me. He looks a little drunk. Not shitfaced yet, just happy.

-Tell you what schatzie -He says to me in German. -I’ve got 40 euros here. And it’s yours, if you give me a blowjob. (It’s funny, because he said the word blowjob in English… So even I got it.)

Me:  0_0

Guy: I got the money right here. Come on, let’s go down there, we can go in a corner or something. [His friends start laughing, but he's echt holding the money out in my face.]

This is where a feminist gets really offended right? Where she busts out the ninja moves, or decks the guy, or at least gives him hell. What, so I’m a girl in tight pants, now I have to suck your stupid-ass dick in a tram station?! What does an adult say in a situation like this? ‘I’m sorry, how old are you? You look like you’re about 18 and you should be at home in bed, or at least be ashamed of yourself!’

A tram starts to pull in behind me. If it’s mine or another one completely, I’ve got no idea. I’m saying the first shizzle that comes to my head.

Me: Do you understand English?

Guy: Yeah.

Me (in English now): I don’t have 40 euros. I’m sorry. I just came from a club. But look…. (reach into my pocket, pull my last bill out) I’ve got ten euros here, and it’s yours if you eat my @58*&#.

Guy: 0_0

Me:   ;D

Tram: Arrives

Friends: Laughing.

Me: Oh looks like my tram is here. Gotta take a raincheck. Ciao.

Guy still staring.

[Me: Get on train. Leer a bit from the upper platform...]

I know, two wrongs does not make a right!! Right??

But I couldn’t be mad at those guys.
Failed feminist.
Or did I never even try?

Imma Be An Illustrator, k?

Hooker with a Penis

[Don't ask, really random sketch while I was thinking about a Tool song....]

Anyway! In all the excitement of the last entry, I forgot to tell y’all about a really cool development in my little ‘career’. No, no… not ‘space cowboy’. That career has been a bit stalled. Nope, the career I’m talking about is:

Illustratorrrrrrrr.

I was hired (!) to illustrate (!!) a gay story (!!!). This is officially the first time someone hires me to draw something for them. (Where I get paid in MONEY for what I draw, not coolio points, undying respect, food, XXX acts, Cheetos or other delicious non-monatery reimbursements.)

It’s only four pics, it’s not due until fall. It has to be PG.
But I am excited! I will definitely give it all I’ve got and illustrate the fuck out of that story!! And!

A very nice girl I met on Goodreads (met = I stalked her. But hey, as you can see, sometimes stalking pays! So, this very nice girl who I totally did not stalk in a creepy way and who is a future mega-librarian and current book-blogger has generously asked me to do a guest post on her blog and talk about my book, my ideas on writing, etc. etc. I also drew pictures for her… Since this was a guest post, I took quite a bit of Time and Effort to sound coherent, so I really encourage you moofs to check it out if you have a second (or more like 80 seconds…) Here’s the link: No really, this may be the first and only post you read from me where I sound kind of like a normal person and do not use any obscenities and drew nice pictures with no wounds/bits. This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance.

Goodnight =)

Paint and Fame

Ws been trying to teach me how to paint. Poor man! He might be on a fool’s errand. Here’s my first attempt (first attempt that I won’t paint over anyway…). W named the picture himself. It’s called “Kitty Cat Sitting in the Fresh Air, Waiting For….”

Kitty getting some fresh air...

Anyway, like I said, first attempt, so don’t aim to kill, only to maim Painting is just… it’s so… HARD! The colors don’t go the way you want… details… seem impossible… I don’t know how people manage fine details with painting… oh well, got half a lifetime left to practice.

In other news:

That’s me in the corn-e-e-e-e-er….
That’s me in the SPOT! Light!
Losing my religi-o-o-o-n-n-n….
Trying to Keep! An eye! On you!!

Yep. I, the moof, was famous for one minute. For one minute yesterday, if you entered my name, or the name of my book, I was plastered all over the internets. The reason was that this week was the huge American Library Association conference in Texas, where they decided on a bunch of  major children/young adult book awards, like the Caldecott Award (for best picture book) and Newberry Award (best children’s book) and my book was selected as a Stonewall Honor Book (if you don’t know that award, don’t feel bad. I didn’t either… but it’s basically like… the Golden Globes of gay young adult fiction ) Not quite the STONEWALL award itself, which would be the Oscar… but still a very nice award. Which means… tada!! Now people actually want… to read my book! Before they were a little tentative–it’s the deal with small press, they can’t plaster your book into every bookstore, so your book doesn’t get much exposure perhaps. Not that I ever, as I was telling a writing friend the other day, started writing for the bitches and the benjamins, ahahaha. I wrote this story because I had it in me and it needed to get out, regardless of if a single person read it afterwards or thought it was any good. But it’s nice to know that the higher ups have decided I’m not a hopeless case after all!! So thanks to them and any readers out there who might find this =)  ::throws you kisses::

::basks::

All right. Tomorrow, I’ll be back to my regular ball of insecurity
Goodnight, moofies =)

Getting Closer….

…to the Andrej Pejic masterpiece.
‘My gender is open to artistic interpretation.”  -Andrej Pejic
Well, pretty much everything about me is open to artistic interpretation, so I’ll drink to that!!

Andrej Pejic - Unicorn Power!!!

I’m a little happy and a little sad… a little happy, because I finished this pic of Andrej Pejic and it is pretty much what I wanted (which is so rare in a picture)…
A little sad because my mom’s brown sketchbook is starting to get full and to anticipate my new brown paper need, I got a new sketchbook that looked entirely the same… but the paper is thinner and not nearly as durable under ink or watercolor : /

Oh well, we’ll see what we can do.

In the meantime, have a great start of the weeks, moofs. I have actually written a guest post (!) on a book blog (!) that I’m pretty excited about… no sex n’ violence n’ chicken in that post, just more raving about writing and more picta’s….

And then, my little Nazgul can climb the stairs now! We have to be careful, as he likes to have a sudden sit and that can mean rolling down the stairs and stairs and babies not mixing, but we carefully stand behind him as he climbs all the way to the top. I think he will be a sporty guy, most definitely more like his father. I couldn’t climb the stairs until I was like… fifteen.

zzzzzzz

Q: When Will They Chain Up the Internets?

A: Neva’

Dear moofies….

Sorry to post-bomb you : ( I try to keep my posts downish; I figure peeps have better stuff to do than read about my ravings, but this has just been brought to my attention. You know, I worry about a lot of shit at night. When I close my eyes, I worry about death, oh, and sickness. I am a morbid person. I worry about my parents getting old and dying. About cruelty in the world.

I also worry about the Internet.

One night, I was so anxious about the state of the internet that I had to wake J up at about four in the morning. Hey, I poked him, hey! He opened his eyes groggily.
What? What the fuck?
I said… do you think… they’ll ever chain the internets up?
J: ….what?
Me: …the internet. Do you think they’ll ever chain it up?
I’m not sure who I meant by ‘they’. I have a shadowy, amorphous fear of a power called ‘they’ that I can’t define, but he got it immediately.
J: (sweet, sleepy voice) ….Never….

Sadly though, they will try.
If you go on to Wikipedia right now, you’ll notice that the site is blacked out. This is in protest of two bills moving through Congress. These bills would try to severely limit the way we (Americans) use the internet. If you’ve got a minute and you are an American, you can write to your representative with this handy form and ask them to withdraw support from this measure.

If you would like to read more about it before you get involved, there are a ton of great links on the Wikipedia site. I leave it for you here.

 

Thanks moofs and take care. <3

Love Thy Stalker

This post if for a friend I met (sort of, the word meet is relative here) recently. =)

The Third Dream - N. Lanvaettir

To begin the post.
Ahem.

To the dear person(s) who keeps coming onto my blog via the search term ‘Russian boy porn’. It is my deepest regret to inform you (no, I really do regret it!)  that you will find no Russian porn, boy or otherwise, on this site. In my heart, oh yes, a veritable vault of it, but not on this site, and until we have the technology to connect my heart with your mind, as I am trying to keep my blog PG-13, I would recommend you direct your  searches elsewhere.

To the dear person(s) who keeps coming here with the search term ‘nagellanvaettir’–your patience has paid off at last! Until now, I had only the one picture I had drawn of him sometime back, but above is the fresh spanking new pic for your viewing pleasure, complete with Mr. Lanvaettir, fish, peony and cigarette smoke…. Ahhh….. Beauty break.

And now I have to go translate anime : /
And then I have to work on my book…..
And deal with a screaming little me gusta…
Wish me luck.
Goodnight, moofs =)

Prepare – Illu Frito

Prepare. [Based on the body of Dima Sedgewick, a boy who makes me consider the faint possibility of intelligent design

Here’s my submission for this week’s topic. I sat down and thought about the word ‘prepare’ and came up with… well, I don’t know, but this person looks pretty damn prepared. For an alien abduction, perhaps. Not really my normal style of drawing, but this is where the sketch gods took me.
^-^

In other news, I am going to get off my lazy, procrastinating ass tomorrow and …. work on my book. Yup. The poor book that just won’t die. Every time I get too tired of it, someone comes out of the shadows and breathes life into my project–this time, a friend whose name I’ll keep concealed here on the internets (but hello to his girlfriend who I know pops in sometimes!! <3) anyway, let’s just call him…. mmm… what should I call him. Mmmm. He will be Mmm for the purposes of my couch and Mmm has decided that the people! Must! Read! My! Book! Mmm believes in me (the fool! ) or at least in my writing and as Paintblotch has done a lovely job laying it out, I will spend this weekend adding some corrections and seeing if we may not reanimate the whole damn thing and perhaps have it publishing ready spring-ish.

If for nothing else, I have to get this fucking book published just to not have wasted the time of all the lovely people who have helped me so much over the last years. : / For youuuuuu! I will put a moratorium on my pretty boy drawing and get this done, once and for all. Thanks guys <3 And goodnight.

I <3 Sleep

hanndddddssssss Pretty good hands, huh? I drew them from my head... I am pretty proud of that... Usually, I have to find hands in Vogue for help....but victory is so fleeting. Read on.

Stav in the Snow. Don't ask why I put all that white. I can't tell you.

I’ve been writing too much here. This post is going to be short. Crisis, crisis! Sometimes, I get so sick of drawing. I just get sick of wanting to draw. Here I am, at 2 in the morning, up, because I was shading a nose forever (not the nose above, the nose I am shading is still here, staring at me mockingly.) Like, I want to look at a pretty face and feel… jack shit. That would be amazing.

I’m semi-obsessed with this guy now. He has a very complex nose. No, he’s not Russian. Ok, I lied, he is. I showed my mom a pic of him thinking I was exposing her to some rare glimpse of loveliness–

Me: Isn’t this guy just great?
Mom:…. this guy?! He’s okay.
Me: Okay?? He looks like this beautiful…. wild-cat!
Mom: He looks common….
Me:  WHERE? Tell me where he is common so that I may move there!!!!

And then I randomly found this lady on Flickr and… yet again! I want to put down my pencils, curl up in the corner and eat Cheetos until I pass out in an orange hayz. I wrote her an incoherent admiry comment, something about how I would willingly wrestle with a bear on a mountaintop for ten years if I could be a fraction as good as her.

Check out her stuff, aspiring artists, only if you are feeling okay about yourself, because she will floor you.

The Versabloggo Award!

The final cut.

All right. I put in a picture just so you guys don’t feel cheated. : D This is a drawing based on a photo from one of my fave art books ‘Neue Menschen’ (New People). This person has one of the most perfectly androgynous faces I have ever seen. Even after 20-30 photos of him (her?) in various clothings, hairstyles, with and without makeup, I find it impossible to identify them as male or female. A picture where she (he?) pulls down her shirt to reveal a flat looking chest is the only clue that he is probably male. And now. Business!!

I got nominated for the Versatile Blog Award a little while back by a sweet Bluebird and while I was totally flattered, I am also totally lazy–but now I got nominated again by Ms. Laura Davies, and I figured  before I screw my karma’s pooch for good, I should take a moment and comment on the bloggers whose stuff I do enjoy. [And I realized I did not have to only post WordPress blogs I follow, which made it a lot easier... : D] So without further ado, I post the award logo:

And I would like to thank Ms. Bluebird and Ms. Davies for their kind nominations!! [Also, Paintblotch, who nominated me for the Leibster Award a while ago... it was not... er... reposted, but it was appreciated!!!!] I’m glad I could entertain you a bit with my crackpot rants and girly-boy pictures. Seven things about me? You got it.

1. I am underslept.
2. I am oversexed.
3. I have a crush on many people, but my one true love is you, Juno! <3
4. I am an emetophobe.
5. I have three nipples.
6. I am sometimes a liar.
7. I am done.

And now for my blog picks: They are, indeed, versatile. [Note!! NOBODY on this list is obligated to repost this award if they don't have time/energy to spare. You are all nominees now -it's how these chain awards work -- but no well-endowed Hans Off is going to appear in your mirror at three in the morning to 'punish' you if you fail to repost. Obligation zero, 'k moofs?]

The Nice Blogs

Paintblotch: I rave about Paintblotch a lot here on the Couch, so I’m going to stop before I start sounding wack, but she remains one of my chief inspirations. This is a beautiful art blog and one of my wordpress joys.

The Art and Illustration of Laura Davies: Check her out–in my next life, if I’m a girl again, I want to be a girl like her. <3 Art and soul blog.

Bluebird Blvd: Where I go when I need a slice of American hospitality (does that come in slices?) A little bit of everything: humor, writing, and cool charcoal pics. A great all-around blog.

Drawandshoot: Karen’s blog has the most beautiful photographs–mostly natural–. It’s where I go when I need a breath of nature. Photo and sketch blog.

Micheal Banack: I found this blog randomly and I keep going back for the wonderful, sexy and spontaneous female sketches. Sketch and architecture blog.

Naked Carly Art: Carly does wonderful sketches, collage art (some really striking images!!)  and her dog is adorable. <3 An art and soul blog.

LafemmeRoar: If there was a fifth chick on ‘Sex in the City’, I would’ve voted LaFemme in! It’s chick, it’s lit, but I dare you to read this as a guy and not laugh.  What I’d call a soul and humor blog.

Fieldey’s Custom Art: Love the tattoo parlor-esque art and her laid back style. She was silent for a while but now she’s back and I’m glad!
<3 An off-the-wall art blog!

Walkabout: I found this blog randomly during an Andrej Pejic search-rampage and dip back time and time again. I like the convos on it. Book and social issues blog.

Rodrigo’s Art: So many people I want to marry, so many legal restrictions . I’m not even going to talk about art envy, because it’s like saying as a human that I have an envy of God. …This is beauty, people. Watch out so it doesn’t burn your eyes…!

Birdy and Me: A lot of my fave blog feature Aussies… what does that mean? Beautiful fashion art and the most inspiring use of graphite… If I can use graphite half as good as Ms. Kelly Smith by the time I’m 70, I die happy. Lovely art and fashion illustration blog!

Hansi’s Hallucinations: I like to laugh, so I like this blog.  Hilarious observations and cool old-school sketch blog.

The Naughty(er?) Blogs: Oh, I don’t know how naughty they are; we’ll see.

Tentacles Daily: Mmmm…. tentacles. No, I don’t care what Freud thinks about that! If you like ‘em too, check out the tentaconans.

Androgynous tumblr blog: More beautiful boys in one sitting than I can handle. Look at this blog only when you know you’ll have a lot of time to go jerk off, get laid take a nice cold shower afterwards.

Personal +18 blog: Dittttttto. NSFW!
Boys on boys. Girls on girls. Classic vanilla straight sex. (Hey, sometimes, you just want vanilla! My dad used to order vanilla at Baskin Robbins 31 flavors and as a kid I was always like WTF, but now I get it!)  Something for everyone. (Blogger promises naked owls, but I don’t think I saw one of those >:P)

RIP Blog: No more, though how I loved you! The blog run by Studflower always had the sweetest boys and boy kiss pictures : / I miss it dearly….

Okay, that’s it, thank you everyone for coming by. I hope I could connect you with maybe one or two blogs who you did not know of before and have a super-awesome day.