The Secret Life of Translators II

'One step too late and I never told you...
That I can't take another disappointment...."
Boys <3

[PS: In my next show, I want this. -see picture above-]

I realize I have not written anything on my poor blog for more than a good week now.

Where are you?! A few people have asked. I guess they figure something must be horribly wrong if I don’t have anything to say : D But I don’t, sadly. I want to write you moofs a blog entry full of sex and violence, but my life right now is so fucking boring >< And I am a little down…

One thing to be up about though is that this season for shows is done and I get two new shows. A fresh start! New beginnings! Regeneration! Spring is here!

What shows am I babbling about? Anime, that is to say, Japanese animated shows–we’ve been translating two of them and both have certainly been contributors to my down spirit…

Oh I don’t know… The first show had a wonderful style and characterizations and a really hot main character, just his name was so nice and long, I liked to type it in my Notepad file… ‘Miketsukami’…. prettyyyyy. Miketsukami was a blond, dog-spirited youth with… many tails. 0_0 (You know my tails thing by now, dear reader, surely?!)

So! This show had a pretty guy with a pretty name and and pretty bushy dog tails and interesting side characters and good style in general. But Nothing Ever Happened. Literally. The main plot of the show could have been resolved in about two episodes–the rest of the time, I was translating a 30 minute episode in which the main conflict (no joke) was how does the main female character ask the main male character out to drink a coffee with her?

I waited desperately for scenes in which the male character is at least semi nude, but they added up to about 20 seconds in an entire series >___< Not much to keep me hanging on, let me tell you.

But the other show was even worse. This show began in my mind as ‘Zero’ and later devolved into ‘Louise the Whore’, but not because nothing was happening. Oh no, something happening every other second. Magic! Dragons! Airships! Elves! Hot Young Pope! Hot Young Pope Gets Eaten By Dragon! (Yep. You read that right… ) Boobies! Boobies! Boobies! Ahh, the boobies should have been the tipoff that ‘Zero’ was a member of that fine genre of anime I absolutely detest. I don’t know what the genre is actually called (It is a common trope, so I’m sure it has a formal name) but I myself call it ‘Too many boobs on the dance floor.”

The gist of the genre is this: You have a young guy. He is usually pretty ordinary, but also pretty decent and for whatever reason, has fallen into an extraordinary world (or somehow into a situation outside of his normal circumstance at least) where he is surrounded by beautiful women. They all have ridiculously large, Demi MooreStriptease-era bazooms that bounce like wet balloons at a child’s party. (Side-note: Often, the main female character will have smaller breasts, and this will make for her complex for the entire show.)

This hapless, but ultimately well-meaning young man is thrown into this new environment complete with Sea of Boobs and while he is defeating the Evil or whatever the Fuck, he is always running into these boobs, or tripping and falling on top of one of the girls, getting his face deliciously mashed into her Boobmeat etc. etc. (Did I mention our clueless hero is totally accident prone?) The girls then beat the shit out of him and call him a pervert, but they are in fact all hopelessly in love with him and are all trying to devise a way to confess their feelings (but by the end of the show, he will get together with the small breasted heroine who has won his heart with her fucking annoying high pitched voice.)

This is the genre “Too Many Boobs on the Dance Floor” and if I were King, I would have it banned. It was invented by an evil Cabal of ordinary Japanese men who wish they could trip through their life, knocking their ordinary but well meaning selves into boobs and  having a coven of babes fight over them while they finally pass their high-school exams or defeat the evil dragon (whatever the tedious noise in the background passing as ‘story’ happens to be.)

Boys, take it from me: Never Going to Fucking Happen.

The part where the Pope got eaten was definitely worth a rewind though….

10 responses to “The Secret Life of Translators II

  1. Intense feeling! Thanks for sharing Nonoy Manga

  2. Ah boobs. and there i was complaining about boobs. But you make it sound fun. All the tripping into boobs.
    Although i think that ban can be applied to many hollywood / bollywood comedies where men land in boobs or bums.

    • Oh, Tin Roof…. if only it was a comedy! But… it’s just NOT FUNNY. Once in a while yes, even I can be tickled by man’s face lands in boobs scene. Even me! But this is just soooo transparent. It would make Hollywood blush. I first had the pleasure of hating this genre a decade ago, when I watched the classic “Love Hina”. [Ordinary guy wants to go to most prestigious university of Japan, so he moves to remote boarding house to get his shit together. Supplies! His new digs is populated entirely by women! With Huge Knockers! And they all want him! Will he ever achieve his dreams? ::rolls eyes::] Then there’s the Chick with Really Big Boobs and Tiny Body who Loves to Eat Character. She is also in virtually every one of these, chowing down the entire show. It’s like… All Aboard the Bulimia Train. Choo chooo!

      • I can imagine. It must get tedious.

        But mostly this post makes me think
        “wow she speaks German and Japanese?? Damn her thats clever!”

        I’m an indian and I can barely speak Hindi. Shameful.

  3. so it’s not ecchi, and there is no action. There is no real plot, and not even good ass to see? ::puts back pack of tissues in his “love vault”::
    THIS SHIT IS JUST WRONG!!!
    However, it’s, probably, more exciting than some of the stuff that I’ve watched.

    Can’t wait for the next good anime to come out! (or the next season of HOTD ::drool:: )

  4. Hehehe. Good to have you back moof. All I can think about is boobs now.

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