You have a friend like this? I think we ALL have a friend like this:
“You know I’m not the type of person who likes to tell people what to do, but you really need to stop going to that hair dresser. That haircut is horrible!”
“Now, it’s your business how you live your life, but when are you going to stop having a roommate? All my friends are asking if you guys are all sleeping together…”
“So, I’m only going to ask once and then I won’t mention it again: When was the last time you cleaned your bathroom? It’s a health hazard in there!”
Ok, so maybe she had something about this last thing. Cleaning our bathroom was a bi-annual event (generally performed for Thanksgiving and if someone important enough came over to shame us into having a clean bathroom.) For ourselves, there was no shame. The kitchen was always slightly pungent with a few stratas of abandoned cook-offs. The living room swam in art supplies, back issues of Vogue, video game controllers (are those things breeding??) and the Spirit of Takeout Past, Present and Future.
Now my friend wanted to know if we ever cleaned the bathroom. Us! Bachelors!
To tell this story properly, I have to tell another story. When I was a little kid, my mom, though a reasonably clean person herself, always had doubts about her own cleaning prowess.”You should see how clean Icu nagymama (my grandmother) kept her house!” she kept saying, whenever I asked her why we had to clean weekly. Weekly? I mean, really? Is that necessary? Nobody ever came over. “You should see how clean Icu nagymama kept her house…” she’d say though, right before she ordered me to go outside and sweep up the courtyard. Are you fucking kidding me? As I kid, sweeping OUTSIDE seemed absolutely daft, but weighing about as much as three sizable cats back then, it was much easier to
beat me up persuade me to do something I didn’t want to do than perhaps it is today.
I remember pushing the dirt morosely with the broom tip from left to right and back left again thinking how horrible it must be to be a grown up and still be looking over your shoulder in fear of your mother vis-a-vis cleaning. When I’m grown up, I vowed, I’m not going to clean my house ever, and I ain’t going to feel guilty about it either. So hah!
Oh the promises we make to ourselves when we’re ten!
Flash forward a ridiculous amount of years and now I’m telling my friend to bugger off, because I’m not cleaning, my bathroom or anybody else’s for that matter, and if she has a problem with it, she can take her bodily wastes home and dispose of them in the cleanliness and comfort of comelier environments, for all I care.
But then, about two weeks ago, she came over after a long absence, stretched her legs in the living room.
“Did you hire a cleaning lady?” She asked, glaring around.
“Nope,” I said grandly. “We’ve started cleaning.”
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the Schopenfags are growing up. About two months ago, okay, maybe only four weeks ago, we instituted a chore chart, the likes of which I haven’t seen since I lived back home with my mother. On it is written clearly each person’s task for the week, and I’m amazed to say that it seems to be working. 0_0 How did an unrepentant soap-dodger get into such a situation? I don’t quite remember, only that one night we were talking about the state of the apartment, and one finger pointed to another and next thing I knew, there was a chore chart hanging on the fridge and now nobody gets a wet butt and the gift of gonorrhea when they sit on our toilet seat.
In other news: I’ve got a reading. Yes, me! My own reading, courtesy of the wonderfully nice Lisa Yarger, who cordially invited me to read from my book at one of my literature watering holes here in Munich, The Munich Readery. Come one, come all, it’s this Saturday (April 21st) at 7 pm (and I’m sorry for the horribly short notice, but I’ve been so occupied and then Jesus’s death and all, you understand??) Anyway. my reading is at seven with finger-foods (read: sushi 0_0) to follow… J will be reading the boy part, I’ll be reading the girl (how romantic is that!?) Lisa is jumping in as the mother–and if the prospect of us doing voices can’t entice you, well, come for the free food! (Anyone who’s been to any number of readings knows that the free food at the end is the only really enjoyable part : D) But seriously, I won’t be taking attendance :3 so no sweat if you can’t make it, but if you can, I would love to see your smiling happyfaces at the Readery this Saturday!
Peace out, moofs ^^