The Gays Are White as Snow.

The gays are hard as rock.
The gays are always good.
Give me the gays!!!

At the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards, when making her thank you speech for her two gazillion awards, Lady Gaga thanked ‘God and the gays.’

Woman knew what she was talking about.
The gays are awesome.

So, a while back, I had finished this graphic novel (I HATE calling it a graphic novel; that sounds so… pretentious! Whatever. A looooong comic book; a SKETCH novel (is actually what I call it privately) and I began to have fantasies about publishing it.

Let me go back first to what a jihad drawing this damn thing was. I drew it TWICE, if I dare admit that in a public forum, because the first time I drew it, it was too… STIFF, and I was trying too much to get the drawing to support the writing, when… I just can’t draw as well as I can write. So I looked at it and I looked at it, trying to figure out what was wrong and I realized… I had to make the pics a lot more loose. I had forced the thing too much and you could tell.

Back to the drawing board, haha. One year later, I had redrawn the whole shebang, made myself the laughingstock of everyone I knew (are you STILL working on the graphic novel, moof?) as well as the laughingstock of ME, but then it was finally done, right before (–) was born, and while my OCD screams out to me at virtually every page, it’s an end result that I can live with. In fact, in it’s own sucky little way, I think it’s kind of cool. I began to imagine some people might even ENJOY reading it. So I started to hunt around for a publisher and ten rejections later I thought…

Wait a sec. Moof, what are you doing?
You can’t wait for a normal agent to pick this up.
Your comic is way too gay.
It’s gayer than the Colonel on a Christmas morning.

The funniest thing is, it’s probably too gay for mainstream and too
main for gaystream, but it definitely reflects my aesthetic–a plea for a perfectly
homo-flexible world. So I went to a list of GLBT (gay/les/bi/trans) publishers and tried my luck there. I wrote about that yesterday. A wonderful and no-doubt sexy man responded to me!!!! He wanted to a see a sample!

A flash of extreme happiness, but Oh, now the agonies started.  Specifically, he asked that I send him sample ‘panels’. Panels?! I gnashed my teeth! I didn’t have ‘panels’… who did he think I was, Frank fucking Miller?! This isn’t a ‘graphic novel’… I KNOW what a graphic novel is; I’d seen them on the internet in a fit of masochism; they are beautifully drawn creations of art with words twittering here and there—the people who draw them create things like ‘concept art’ with their carefully crafted characters making every face in the kaleidoscope of human expressions… Does he want ‘panels’? ‘Concept art’? Oh god, I thought, I’m fucked! Should I send him what I considered the very coolest pictures (all like three of them >:P) from the entire 215 pages and hope I could fool him into reading more? No, I settled on sending the first five pages. Best be honest and get the rejection over with.

‘Your email has been sent. Undo?’
I hovered my mouse over ‘undo’ for one moment, then let it be….

Thrashed around in a night of agony thinking… I SHOULD have just sent the best pictures. Now I blew even my tiniest chance. I blew it. I blew it. I blew….

And then… This afternoon. Right as I was about to go to Willi’s for another session with chewed up nipples: I get an email. Saying he LIKED the first few pages. And the magic words that all us little writers tremble to hear, but that this little worm of a writer, until now, had never heard before!

‘Please send me the entire book.’

Oh joys! Oh ecstacies! Oh happinesses!
Oh god, thank you! And gay presses–thank you too! <3

8 responses to “The Gays Are White as Snow.

  1. ok…that was a really really good thing that happened and WOW!!!! though I cant say i am surprised moof. I NEVER got to see the “sketch” novel….graphic novel is so not pretentious hahah what are you talking about? -thats the correct terminology- sketch novel sounds soo…well whatever…my point, its good that you just went ahead and created one. no comic book artist, or graphic novelist can make the claim that their FIRST graphic novel was picked up right away by interested publishers….at least i do not know of any overnight success stories concerning an ENTIRE graphic novel…not even will eisner was an overnight success, he sweat his freaking brow for years before someone took notice of him. so you just savour that success cause NOONE can take THAT away from you!

  2. wait a minute…why are gays white as snow again? ;)

    • Haha, the term graphic novel is not pretentious… if that is, in fact, what you have created…! But I always feel weird calling MY THING a ‘graphic novel’…
      Anyway, thanks Hazel—well, I won’t count my chickens yet; he is just reading it… but that is farther than I’d gotten ever before, so… one step further from literary Death in the Canefield for Moof.

    • WHY, Hazel?
      Because there’s a hungarian song that goes a little something like this:

      The boobs are white as snow; the boobs are hard as stone; the boobs
      are always good… give me the boobs!!

      (Just like the gays!!)

  3. yay! That was probably the 2nd happiest thing that happened all day. The first place though has to go to (-) being asleep for long enough to write this comment. Congratulations, I always knew you had it in you.

    And Hazel’s right, nobody will be successful from day one, you just gotta work your way through the BS until you have enough “references” so skip some of the retardation. So never give up, I’ve got your back ^-^b

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